today was perhaps the shittiest day of the last few months. i can feel myself regressing back into the past; and after firmly resolving that i wouldn’t handle things the way i did the last time, i seem to be doing it again. i just want to hide in some sort of cave for the rest of my life; somewhere where i won’t have to talk to people or search for unobtrusive hints. i really don’t want to care, but no matter how much i convince myself to let apathy wash over me, its not working. i walked down orchard road on the brink of bursting into tears in front of everyone. i got out of class wanting to disappear. 
 
my stomach feels hollow.
everything is tiring.
it’s happening again.

p.s. i really don’t want to tell you this because i feel like it’ll just create trouble but please don’t go ok and i know you really want to, which makes this significantly worse, but if you go, i’m afraid nobody is going to care